can you love someone again after hating them

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Please help! My ex doesnt express her feelings much. who could see the greatness in me and learn to love me. It is really important that the counselor be specifically trained in MARRIAGE & FAMILY THERAPY. We broke up. We agreed at the start that it was just going to be casual and if either of us caught feelings we would walk away. When we hate someone, we are more likely to wish they would suffer or at least change who they are. I have told him that I have in a way felt the same as it seems the only time he wants to touch me is when he wants sex so I have turned myself off in a way. As he drew away from me , I confronted him to what was really wrong with him, he told me he fell out of love with me. The responsibility of caring for the human being you brought into this world should be your first and top priority. We want to grow old together and have the same goals in life but lately I have been questioning my love which makes me quite upset.I know deep down inside that we are soul mates. I want to make things better, but I have been hurt most recently. Long story short my husband suffered from sever depression and I stuck with him thru thick and thin. Because vulnerability increases the chance that you might get hurt, being vulnerable can be scary. Hate and love thus both seem to be involved in the neural processing of what is sometimes referred to as the arousal effect of emotion (this is a technical term, so arousal can be negative). But now, your new gf is also insecure because of what happened to her in the past. If I can brave the shame of having the scarlet letter stamped on my head for all to see now. Just because he talked to you for friendship and advice did not mean you could help him repair his marriage. He kept saying that I have finally pushed him over the edge so talked to another woman to protect him. but his actions makes me mad. This actually came up the other day and he said we are talking, weve seen each other, the kids have seen each other, we hug and kiss etcso in his mind we are already making baby steps. They hate each other. Id be lying if I still didnt think shes the one for me, but its ultimately flawed reasoning because the people we become may not be meant for each other. Our initial argument/cause of separation was no longer a problem. Please help. Thinking everyday what i did wrong, for this love to disappear just like that. He ended up hooking up with another girl twice. I am now planning on returning home after my 4th month here in New Orleans as it is not my place to thrive as a healthy human being and am in the process of dealing with how my quick decisions have blown up right in my face leaving me alone and questionable about my path as a musician. I am willing to wait actually . One day were happy, the next were borderline broken up. I have begged and pleaded for him to work with me on this. Naturally, being separated, he will probably long for you so anything he commits to now has to be re-discussed when he is with you. She calmly responded that Yes she knows; theyre very close friends. I call her about an hour after the first argument, I apologize and tell her that I made a huge mistake in arguing about my clothing, she thanks me for the apology, but says shes not taking me, even though I said I could go, dress formally and had apologized. I was with someone for 7 years through out this relationship there was a current drug use addiction and I turned into someone I cant even comprehend today. I fell back into the same hole as 3 years ago. This man really does make me a better person, but there have been other lies in our relationship from him I dont know what to do honestly. I suppose I deserve it though. He gets defensive and aggravated at me. She already had trust issues, you knew this, and you chose to move because you felt your career as a musician was more important. Basically, she says she does not know right now. The challenges you face in your marriage might leave you feeling like the union is over and that it's time to separate. I daily promise him to meet n so we cudnt . I must add I have never felt worthy of his love. He of course made lies saying they saved on his phone and that his friend Rick had sent the message. When you write down how it truly was, the process will liberate you to move on. I am sure I will get it back. Anyway, I would file an order on him and get him out my home. All our relationships are plagued with distance between us. Try also to work to support yourself and finish school. I hate that people drink and drive. We went on a summer vacation with her parents this year and she said she was really impressed with how I was around her parents and I was different in a good way, so that was a step forward. He said his heart wasnt in it, he wasnt happy, things hadnt really changed. GoodTherapy.org is not qualified to offer professional advice, but we encourage you to reach out. I wish I were at a place in my marriage where Id be willing to give it an attempt. He told her he missed the good times. Thank you! I am sure readers of this blog may be tired of hearing me say therapy so much, but Ill say it again: I would like to recommend couples therapy. If he is afraid of his mother or of feeling guilty because of what she says, then he would need to work hard on getting over that and that piece is difficult. We broke up for 1yr and then something lead us back to each other. Shes started to talk to me a bit but is obviously not interested in talking about getting back together. I must show I respect him, instead of blowing him off. Clients need both. I used to abuse my bfs emotions so bad. Anyways since she gave birth she barely called in February. Can he fall back in love with me and not want to get a divorce. Im thinking something must have been going wrong in your relationship in the first place for your husband to just drop you like that to take care of this friend. He would tell me he wasnt in love with me but then would say he was only saying that. i go over it in my head 100% of the time, i cannot sleep or anything. He Is sad it ended like this and wants to be friends. So when we were all together he kissed me saying that that was my payment. I think I know whats going on. So my question is thisI understand that you say it takes time to heal from the hurts of the past and the pain I caused him. I thought we always talked about our feelings. We got together with her on Boxing Day. You need the support of good friends and family right now and then you need the courage to take the right steps. Lol. Its not a permanent delete, cos he networks with it, applies for jobs, etc. Copyright 2011 by By Deb Hirschhorn, PhD. The act of letting go is simply the act of moving forward without the person you loved. It was her friend. She told me to delete every thing i have of hers and not to write to her any more. We fell in love and she broke from those two relationships, but I think I must have harbored resentment from that dificult transition that took a year, because our relationship has been stressed. If you miss someone, and love them then why wouldnt you want to be with them? After some talking and planning we decided to bring someone in to our sexual relationship. He is not clear on who he is or what he wants. ( I am 31 and in my prime and starting to think I would never experience that again.) It reminds you that she is needy; she doesnt have her act together: She is not strong enough to stand on her ow in this world, both economically and emotionally. Can i save this? Once you start adding new people, you can have fun and all that, but it doesnt cement a relationship. Ive been with my partner for just a year now. So I just feel stuck! I returned home to Denver after 2 months of being here on a tour with a band I linked up with and made arrangements to meet up with my ex-girlfriend for lunch. She portrayed sperm donor as a mere friend in the hood. She didnt seem to care, said no she wasnt taking me, and just seemed angry and detached. This is not the first time this has happened, but we always manage to decide to work around things and still be together. So u gave her money and she left. He still wants to be with me, he still says hes in love with me, but he just cant go back to normal immediately. She simply did not answer. BUT, living with my parents for so long showed the worse side of me. Betraying my baby. Heres why: The falling in love kind of love, not the familial love that you have, say, for your parents or children, is about receiving. Its very conflicting hating a person im still in love with and im sorry to anyone else experiencing something like this. But Im trying and Im fighting for our relationship and it seems to me at this point, that hes not. Over the past few months I have dealt with all my demons and getting better but my wife is no longer interested as I hurt her so much. Sexual intimacy all but waned & emotional connection had stopped many years prior. Despite all this, I didnt support him. What can I do to get her back? It doesnt stay inside. Her internet actions are very reminiscent of the previous affair, so i start snooping her messages a bit. it is so hard to get back from that hurt. You dont actually ask a question. Someone this emotionally unavailable for you is very selfish. We never have. Acknowledging her appearances and successes and failures. He slowly opened back up to me and after 4 months I got a I love you from him, which frankly shocked me into speechlessness. Turned out to be her leaving me and going to another guy 2 weeks later. That was a lie to buy myself some time. Even I apologized to him a lot of time. I believe this happens to couples who are genuinely terrified of intimacy. If parents had given these things to us growing up, then we would feel self-confident and brimming with love to give out to the person we are with. When I came into town to celebrate my birthday he asked me to be his girlfriend and things took off in the best way from there, at least at first. He went to drop her off and when he came back he came back to greet me just like he always does and that threw me off. When we first started dating there was an incident where the woman from the previous relationship he was in, was impregnated by him, and she coincidently found out in the beginning of our relationship. If the problem was your lying, then the question is: why did you feel a need to lie? However, unfortunately, i fell into a deep depression where I just did not feel and act like myself, there was the unfortunate symptom of never feeling happy. What would a real connection to someone feel like? There is a pattern to the story you just told. :'( :'( :'(. The forgiveness has to wait til the healing is done and therapy and meetings are the solution. Then a job opportunity came up that was 7 hours north of our home. We have been seeing each other nearly two years.. I told him I didnt want him talking to her and he stopped. I have started therapy for addictions and am in the first month of a 3 month program. It is super important to totally get past the verbal abuse. He lied about his true feelings up until we argued In July when I said it was over. My boyfriend and I have been together for 9 yrs and we recently just parted ways in the past 4 days. Great. I want that unconditional love, that I see people have and when I have dealt with this jealousy for so long, I have quit talking and keep to myself just to solve the problem with all my friends and family at times it fixed things for awhile but it always came back worse, and now I have a broken heart that I have no idea how to fix it. His choice of comfort is political views & newsworthy discussions. I considered that cheating on me as well. Hi Craig Was I wrong to have done this? Now my ex partner should I say has been in previous physical absive relationships. Hi drDeb could you please give me advice on my story that I wrote. PostedMarch 27, 2018 That said, now I strongly urge you to get therapy to figure out where the anger came from and most importantly, how to look at Life in a healthier way so you dont get angry, especially not at innocent people. We have more information about what to do in a crisis at https://www.goodtherapy.org/in-crisis.html. She left text message which i read hours later. I had always been a normal person but then my H and I met. From his point of view I betrayed him and from my point of view he betrayed me and the children. I do also agree with you, I should get some therapy because I refuse to be stuck like this forever. Me and my ex were dating for about 5years and 3 months. I said she could give him oral sex, and that I wasnt interested in watching. and doesnt want to keep doing this every 5 yrs or so, as next time we will be approaching 40? People use all kinds of methods to relieve stress which are not healthy: addictions, OCD, flirting, etc. Hes promised to therapy, to get his testosterone checked, work out..etc. 5. According to experts, it's totally possible to fall back in love with someone you used to date, and the reason why makes sense. Mind you, before this happened he was the most loving, emotionally sound, complete gentleman Ive ever met in my life. I keep ruminating on what Ive done. S he dosent respond about anything serious anyway. except now I feel like he has betrayed me again in the way that he made a promise to me about going on a trip with me for my birthday then right out from underneath me he tells me oh by the way I cant come with you because Im going with my friend on a trip instead like he never wanted to go with just promised me that for no reason. My first session is this friday. I trusted him. She is the one ALWAYS calling and texting after warning me not to call her. she said shes convinced herself that we werent going to be together an moved on. If we dont take care of ourselves, why would we expect others to take care of us? Even though every relationship is different, it's about being able to look at it and feel something other than loss. I am very confused on how we got off track and all the way to this.. Like I stated before we been together for over 5 years almost a 2 year old son and now she tells me that she has not loved me before our child was born and I dont understand how we made it this far. I wanted it all the time and he rarely ever did. You can look up a bit of it on my personal blog at drdeb.com in the abuse section. Should I do that ? The love of my life wouldnt even hear me out, or let me apologize to his face or consider forgiveness. My husband handed her the keys & walked away. I made him try to do everything for me. I still cant believe how stupid I was to not recognise it. This happened two more times until I decided to book my holidays with a girl friend of mine (he was always telling me I should be independent) He seemed glad I made that decision but after that he told me he couldnt take it any longer and that he needed to be alone. We never actually dated but we were good friends. We talked a lot over that night and the next day and we finally agreed to try and not let what happened be a setback. Hed ignore my messages for minutes and reply me after hed replied hers. Hi Shawn, Hello!! He just treated me like crap with little remorse, but I dismissed it because I was still head over heals in love with him. I hope that he will come around as well and will see how selfish he was which he has admitted but I guess I should not push the issue of wanting to be with him still because it will only drive him away more. He left me. The aim is to show that you are fun to be with and that you know how to have a good time. Why did you do it? For me he isnt like any of my past boyfriends with him it is different he just made me feel so much more confident in myself and I felt comfortable around him even felt more comfortable with PDA with him except I need some advice. My question, after some texting back and forth the first few days and one conversation on the phone, Ive gone with here wishes to leave her alone right now. Keep smiling even when it hurts. With all these, she doesnt apappreciate anything I did. Its becoming difficult and exhausting, and I feel stuck. Please can you advise how I should act. Ive been in a relationship with my boyfriend for 10 months now but we have some issues. Finally in 2 years ago he proposed and set into plan moving to live with me. How do I make him fall back in love? Hi Someone, I recently lost everything. Before you can help her heal, the REAL question that bothers me is why you even cheated at all if you really love her.

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